What will be your reaction when someone special to you turns out to be just your 'one of those friend you see at school' and will care less to you every passing day? The one you thought you can share problems with, the one who will listen when everybody doesn't?
I think, it's quite horrible at first but I get used to it. BUT TO BE HONEST, it hurts to know and accept. When I become a college student, I find it really amazing. I get along with all my blockmates easily, with my first year - I find 2 awesome friends and since then, we were inseparable. When 2nd year came, I decided to transfer to other school, as destiny dictated or it just simple coincidence? - The 2 transferred, too with my new school. But the other separated from the two of us. The other one is in other block.
As weeks and months passed by, my friend that we have the same block found a new group of friends and I got left behind. Sometimes, I found it my fault if she becomes that far from me now. We still laugh, smile and joke around to each other but I know their a small wall now between us. Their is our boy blockmate that her boyfriend now. It hurts that I had to push her to say to me the truth about with her love life and it hurts more that the one who is she telling with her secrets now is her new friends.
And the other friend of ours? We still talk when we see each other in the hallway.
For all that happened to me, the only thing I can do now is to accept and move on.
I want to write down all what happened in my life since this school year started - how I changed on things. This past few months, my life isn’t good as people think, I’m always unhappy, disappointed, frustrated, depressed and I felt so empty but I still manage to laugh and fake a smile. I can’t seem to relate to my new surrounding but as months past, I started to accept where I am. Most important— at school, I changed a lot, my ranking get higher, I study harder. I still have that tinatamad-ako-mag-aral attitude but this time of my life I realized how important study is - not just because my parents said so but how it change my future and to achieve my goals simply because I want to. I didn’t know I can do better. When I was in High School, I’m not the smart one, my grades are always average and not that satisfying. Before I just don’t like studying and reading books. Well, the old me… I am care-free and happy-go-lucky. I don’t care about my grades and all I want to do is to make myself happy but now I think I’m becoming a perfectionist, I want my grades to be always high. I don’t know if it’s a good attitude but meanwhile, I prefer this.
Before anything else, I want to thank God. For giving me a hope and faith and chance to improve. I love you.
If he acts like you're not worth his time, maybe you aren't what he really wants. Maybe you're just a substitue for he can't have.
And I remembered what he did to me. =)))) No, I’m not being bitter. I don’t remember anything about him anymore, I hide all my memories of him on my deepest place in my mind and heart. I’m happy with my life right now.
TaeHyun once said: (From Fan Fiction)
“… Death will never part us.
I’ll love you until the last breath of forever;
Because I am an E.L.F. Some people think I don't love them that much... But they are all wrong, I love them more that anybody else. I'm never gonna stop.
I didn’t do anything to receive those kind of accusations. Whenever I hear words from them, I just ignored it because it is just a waste of time and I may hurt their feelings. But this time, I’m over the edge, I’m so over with their words towards me especially their attitude but I still choose to be silent. I don’t want to hurt them because I love them but they making things worse— No, they making things wrong. As I said, I didn’t do anything wrong why they are reacting like that.
Who said I’m angry with them? C’mon use your common sense, if it is there any? It’s so unbelievable, They are educated person but they are not using their mind, seriously. Arghhh, Big question mark: Why would I be angry with them? I’m just busy in school. GETS? What would they like me to do, go to their house and do nothing there, when I’m there and using the computer, they get angry. WHAT THE FVCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, PEOPLE? They are so great at this, making people down because they think they are so high enough that we people around them can’t reach there fvcking throne. Sorry, I only respect them because of my, Papa. Nothing else.
Really, I don’t deserve all of this. All the words they said, it hurts me, not because they are correct what they are accusing me but because I now realize they are so mean and rude people.
Just letting this out. :)
Labels: conflicts, family, heavy heart, personal
